2019 recap

[baexil]

Wordcounts and Statistics

☆ Total number of stories worked on: 30 (maybe more idk)
☆ Total number of completed stories: 15
☆ Fandoms written in: svt, nct/wayv, twice, gfriend, exo, bts, kdrama, k.a.r.d., dreamcatcher, mamamoo, astro
☆ Total word count: 122,948 (ahaaaa)

☆ April:

it’s the same love song (svt, leader-line, 11k)

☆ July:

(un)royal pursuits (nct, renjun/donghyuck/jeno, 7.8k)
rise (twice, gen, 7k)

☆ August:

if you are gunna stay, then stay (gfriend, sinb/yerin, 17.2k)

☆ September:

home (exo, xiumin/chen, 1k)
i’m all in for you (gfriend, sinb/yuju, 8.8k)
running ahead (bts, maknae-line, 2.8k) - this was adding a chap to a long wip

☆ October:

bright (nct/wayv, winwin/lucas/kun, 10.5k)

☆ December:

pieces that don’t quite fit together (nct, donghyuck/jeno/jaemin, 30.9k)
desperately (kdrama - he is psychometric, lee ahn/kang seungmo, 1.9k)
step on me (k.a.r.d., jiwoo/j.seph, 2.3k)
warm (nct, 00-line, 3.2k)
christmas bells (nct, winwin/taeyong/ten, 2k)
moving ahead (dreamcatcher/mamamoo, yoohyeon/dami, solar/moonbyul, 10.3k)
fill my everything (nct, renjun/donghyuck/jeno/jaemin, 1.7k)
addict (astro, eunwoo/moonbin, 3.6k)

Overall

☆ Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?
A thousand percent more than I thought I was going to write. I knew that I was strapped in for a long fic when I decided to write about asexual themes in my olymfic but i had no idea it was going to lead to over 100k in all sorts of fics. I had a goal of finishing nano 2019, but i got so sick, I was unable to do it…. Only to turn around and write 45k in december alone.

Definitely my 2019 writing was not what i predicted.

☆ What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?
Astro, k.a.r.d, he is psychometric. K.a.r.d and he is pyschometric i can blame gift exchanges for, astro however… I didn’t expect astro to come and flying kick me in the face with their blue flame mv. I would not have written that fic without the pure angst that mv made me feel in addition to moobin being mysteriously out of promotions.

I can’t really say that any gg are a surprise for me because i felt it stirring for a while. I owe isa mainly for helping me act on it.

☆ What’s your own favorite story of the year?
Fuckkkk, that’s so hard considering im really proud of everything i wrote this year ;; okay, i refuse to choose just one so:

it’s the same love song for being the first ace fic ive written and it really felt like i was getting a lot off of my chest in the process especially with the death of my grandfather and finding out my grandma got cancer while i was writing it

rise for being my official first gg fic!!

pieces that dont quite fit together for being the longest fic ive ever written, for fighting through it when i lost all of my muse and still finishing it up and writing over 20k in a few weeks. Also, for continuing to grow on my poly relationships and plot, finding new/interesting things to do with it

warm for being the first porn piece ive written orz can you imagine i chose fucking 00-line for that honor. Five people-- what was i thinking??!?

step on me for being my first het (and kink?!? wtf happened to me)) and desperately for being as close to my own kinks as ive ever gotten alskdjfals

if you gunna stay, then stay for being my first real in-depth look at what its like to negotiation one of those “some” relationships between girls and banging out a shit ton of words for it

☆ Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?
A shit ton?? Um- writing a-spec has been a big risk for me esp when im still trying to sort through my irl shit. I wrote porn??? Like what?? I wrote girls and wrote more than just canon (even tho i still love my canon) i also took a leap at a big fucking plot suck--

☆ Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?
So many… To finish the sailor moon au, volleyball au (for gg and bg), porn, f/f porn, fem poly, write more comments on fics i read, work on dragon au fic. Overall, i’d like to move away from fests and start to dig into my passion projects without deadlines looming over me. Also write 500 words/day.

☆ My goals from last year were…
To do all the fests. I succeeded. I took part in 9 fests and finished them, just dropped out of 2. I also wanted to post 50k to ao3 this year… um, i succeeded that too.

☆ From my past year of writing, what was…
★ My best story of this year
probably pieces that don't quite fit together.... probably... DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE i love my children (mostly) the same

★ My most popular story of this year
pieces that dont quite fit together which is !!! considering it was published in dec but also it was a part of the massive 00ff fest (and to think i didnt even edit it /o\ )

★ Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion
My twice pirates fic but also-- it doesn’t have a pairing and its gen and it’s supposed to be the start of a much larger story so i think that it’s up to me to build on it to get the attention it deserves. Beyond that, all of my gfriend fic is so under-appreciated @.world why?

★ Most fun story to write
Maybe bright? I really wanted to put in like the softest world that lucas gets to step into. But beyond that, i kind wanted to make a world that is so full of magic if you just happen to look a bit closer at that mundane thing that you pass every day. Keeping that in mind, it was fun to try that. Also kun was surprisingly fun to write??

Also- warm kinda just fell from my fingers and was this perfect mix of snark and good humor, close bonds, and that gray area between friends, lovers, and almost like a pack? I ended up naming it warm bc it made me feel warm when i was writing it not bc of them trying to stay warm… i guess i kinda self-inserted myself into that title kekeke

★ Story with the single sexiest moment
Ahahaha, hard decision this year? But probably in addict. Tldr; moonbin gets addicted to cigarettes and the company gets mad and so he has to try to quit. Eunwoo suggests a bit more of a creative solution to his cravings….

“Get addicted to me,” he says, almost like a challenge. A hot curl of pleasure rolls down his body and he shivers down to his toes.

“I don’t think you realize what an addictive personality I have, he says in a tease that comes out too raw with the real honesty behind the sentiment.

“Try me,” Dongmin breathes against his lips and pulls him in for another kiss, this time kissing the breath out of him in a way a cigarette wishes it could.

there is something that’s hot about eunwoo having the confidence to be like “youll get addicted to me bc im amazing and hot” and also what a vulnerable thing to say to someone else too. Those two things paired with them sharing kisses and moonbin pressing him into the bed, idk its hot to me for some reason

★ Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story
desperately ahahahaaaaaa pseudo-incest, semi-public sex, and cockwarming anyone? I dont think it ended up being as awkward as i really thought it was going to be orz

★ Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters
bright. Kun became this like wide shouldered zaddy with soft sweaters and soft hands, like a big teddy bear. Winwin was a lot different. In the first fic i wrote with him last year, he was a lot different than the sassy flirt who was kun’s familiar in bright. But i love him. Also lucas became soft and more adult than i usually write him.

★ Hardest story to write
pieces that don’t quite fit together because of the complexity of breaking up and getting back up together but also throwing in a third person just to lighten it up. Not only was it long but i lost my muse after my grandmother passed and then i also had a hard time figuring out why they would reform as three. But i think i pulled it off? It makes sense. I dont feel like i copped out and just smushed them together (as i sometimes do).... I think this story also taught me that i hate endings the most.

★ Biggest disappointment
i'm proud of myself actually ;;

★ Biggest surprise
um, it’s fic-adjacent but the circle of support ive found at kbas? Not only do i have people egging me on but i have people that i can go to when i hit a roadblock or just to nudge me into writing.

my light, isa - for keeping my muse aflame for gg’s and letting me squeal with her whenever i want. I love getting tweets from you the most and im sorry, not sorry, for basically just being a retweet bot of your twitter.

my rock, tsanka - for letting me be open and vulnerable in ways that i have a hard time being esp with irl and internet friends. I love waking up to messages from you and that you let me incessantly bother you all day with my weird shit.

sam and em for spurring on my muse. Sam, please let me bother you at work with hybrids, it gives me so much joy. Em, please lets have intellectual debates about shame and guilt and sexuality, i love it. Jenny for being my sprint buddy this whole summer, she really got me into “the habit”.

i swear im super hormonal today and im tearing up just thinking about these people. So beware the paragraph ahead. It is hard to describe and even understand, but there is love in my heart and I know how weird that must seem coming from someone who is just a mystery on the other side of discord and only proof that im in the real moment is the “bee typing…” at the bottom of our chat boxes but I really love you guys. I wish I had a better why to convey it. For someone who wrote 123k this year, i am unable to write the ones that is able to clearly demonstrate my love…. ;;

Highlights + Wrap-up
☆ Favourite Opening Lines (3)

fill my everything :

There is a box that Donghyuck keeps in his closet. It’s not hidden, but tucked away so that every time he goes to pull it out, it is intentional. It’s almost a ritual now. He’ll come home from university, sink to his knees, reach for the box, and slowly drag it into the light.

addict :

No one was supposed to know.

The first time he had one, it was behind the middle school building with a pack of classmates who were getting a thrill of doing something rebellious. He didn’t like it.

it’s the same love song :

It’s quiet.

Jihoon has always taken solace in the quiet. As an only child it had seemed like a constant state of being. After becoming aa trainee, it was anything but.

☆ Favourite Closing Lines (3… jk 3+3, i couldnt decide)

rise :

Another breath.

And she turns on her heels and runs towards the sun.

fill my everything :

“Down,” is an order that cuts through the fog. He obeys, scooting off of Jeno’s lap until he is sitting on the ground in between Jeno’s spread knees.

Fingers thread through his hair and he shudders, parting his lips, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.

“Good boy.”

warm :

As Renjun’s eyes slip closed, he hangs onto the feeling of whole-ness he feels surrounded by his childhood playmates, his best friends, his boys.

Love radiates in his chest and he turns, a smile on his face and falls asleep trying to think of how he can get a similar-sized mattress in the palace.

“Love you guys,” he mutters sleepily. He barely hears the responses as he sinks into sleep.

Honorable mentions: home - when i made the ending a plot twist, bright - when i made an old lady make winwin (the familiar) to say hello to their cat (which is winwin), and moving ahead when, surprise, turns out moonbyul is a cat too

☆ Favorite 5 Line(s) from Anywhere (in no particular order)

warm :

all of the bickering, i dunno where it came from but i love it

its the same love song :

Loneliness crashes over him like he has been struck by an ocean wave and sucked beneath the surface, pulled violently through the tide. Further and further from shore, from anything that resembles society and he’s drowning but he would have it no other way.

The whole world seems to be singing the same song, but he finds it too complicated.
It’s easier just to sink and let the ocean wash over him.

im all in :

“Never.” Umji grins, dipping past her to get a headstart on helping their sister. Traitor.

Sowon has gone and taken out her favorite map of Seoul just for this special occasion, spreading the thick paper out onto their work table. The map is big enough to cover almost every spare inch of workspace and Umji is carefully placing their usual paperweights to each corner, keeping the paper flat so Sowon has an easier time of it as she works.

Closing her eyes, Sowon takes a big breath. In. Out. In response, the map almost ripples to life. Buildings, hills, temples, everything significant about their beautiful city growing from the paper into physical form.

bright :

Sicheng seems to be half asleep against the window.

“Are you always this lazy?” Lucas teases, “Letting Kun cook up a storm while you nap away.”

Sicheng opens one eye to give him a sleepy glare before closing it again, “This rain makes me so tired, something about the low pressure.”

Finishing up by placing the last spoon in front of Sicheng, Lucas leans over to pat his cheek. Sicheng doesn’t even open his eyes when he does so, instead nudging into his hand and practically purring.

“Your hands are big,” he comments, yawning and peeping his canines again.

pieces that don’t quite fit together :

“Oh my god,” Jeno says as it scarily easily clicks into place for him, gasping “You totally had a crush on a fellow trainee!”

Donghyuck’s fiercer flush spurs him on.

“Oh my god, this is what fanfics are made of,” Jeno says in absolute disbelief.

“No! It’s not like that,” he trails off, eyes dipping down to his hands again, he continues in the softest voices he’s ever heard, nothing even compared to his ballads, “Jaemin.”

Suddenly Jeno realizes that Jaemin and Donghyuck were trainees at the same company together and then it’s like the last puzzle piece falls into place.

“Oh,” he says dumbly.

Donghyuck’s gaze gets soft and impossibly sad, Jeno can feel his heart clutch in sympathy.

“It’s always been Jaemin,” he says brokenly.